First Day at
County Job
Lands Chief
of Staff
a Shiner

Following his first day as Sacramento County Supervisor Roger Neillo’s Chief of Staff, Tim James purportedly went to relax at a River Cats game. As we all know, this man is unable to quit talking politics. To his misfortune, as he blabbered on during the game, he was turned away from the field when a high fly ball came his way and knocked him straight in the eye. The impact resulted in four stitches and a discoloration his fellow Lanternites refer to as “Drag Queen Eye”.

There has been speculation that James was back-talking his new boss and was consequently punched in the eye, but he adamantly adheres to the River Cats story.

A varying report states the victim had begun to hang out with former Lanternite Steve, and was decked by a woman who demanded crack cocaine.

None of these reports have been substantiated.